Philosophy and Falling Out of Love

Hi everyone,

Hi everyone,

I just finished a mammoth new article that explores in detail a whole array of psychological exercises described by the Roman poets Ovid and Lucretius for falling out of love. There are obvious parallels with certain Stoic psychological practices. I thought it would be good to give you the summary from the end, as it’s a long read otherwise.

Practical and lifestyle changes:

  • Seek diversion in other pursuits.

  • Seek diversion in other relationships.

  • Get a change of scene.

  • Avoid solitude and morbid rumination.

  • Eschew mud-slinging and gossip about the relationship once it is ended.

  • Avoid “romantic” plays, poems, novels, music, people, etc.

Meditation and visualisation exercises:

  • Mentally review and contemplate her defects.

  • Engineer situations where you can encounter her at her least appealing or imagine what you would see if you did.

  • Avoid emotive language in your thought and speech, be objective and realistic in speech and thought and your feelings will be naturally moderated.

  • More controversially, adopt a more negative and critical perspective by reframing her good qualities as if they were flaws.

  • Act as though you have moved on, if you wholeheartedly pretend to be calm and detached you will eventually entrain those feelings in yourself.

  • Compare her to the notion of a perfect woman with the aim of mentally highlighting her shortcomings.

You can read the full article here. If you have any questions, please feel free to leave them in the comments. I look forward to hearing what you have to say!

How to Fall Out of Love


Donald Robertson

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